Dan Wickline (danwick) wrote,
Dan Wickline


The New Year is coming. It’s already rolled halfway across the nation and it’s speeding towards Los Angeles as I write this. I find myself in a somewhat melancholy mood this evening. Fifteen years ago I spent New Year’s at a party with friends and family having the time of my life. The turning of the calendar meant new goals and achievements to strive for. Ten years ago I spent an intimate New Year’s with someone I loved very much. I looked a little less at the future but was still happy to turn the page to 2002. Five years ago I sat in a Jacuzzi with my wife celebrating the end of my first year as a full-time writer. With an hour to go in 2011, my wife sits down stairs reading a book while I do what I spend most of my time doing, typing on my computer. It has me wondering what my realistic goals are for next year and what achievements if any I have for the last twelve months.

The good of this year were definitely things I should be excited about. I released my first and second novels electronically. People are slowly becoming aware of Lucius Fogg and Jimmy Doyle and with any luck over the six book series more and more readers will come aboard. I had an old short story of mine turned into a European television episode and I got to write the script for it. I look forward to seeing the episode itself soon. I taught a writing class in Phoenix and raised some money for the Hero Initiative while doing it. And I had more comic and short stories published.

The good/bad came from reconnecting with my best friend, someone I’ve known for twenty-six years. I am thankful to have her back in my life. The bad was the passing of her mother a few weeks ago at far too young of an age. I was glad to be there to help her in her time of mourning, but it reminds me just how short life is.

And other bad was watching as many of my friends lost their jobs, including my wife. Seeing the people I love struggle to make their bills or feed their family. All this heaped on with frustration of watching the insanity and greed of congress. Seeing people wanting what is best for themselves or best for their ideology and not what is best for everyone. If I wrote what has happened in Washing in the last few years into a book, the critics would pan me and say my villains are unbelievable.

I started 2011 with hope. I honestly don’t feel much of that left. The belief that it was going to be the year that everything was going to click. That I would come out of it with enough writing projects to justify the years and years of hard work I’ve put in and to give my family the sense of security that lets us sleep at night. I start 2012 with the same desires. To sell enough copies of Lucius Fogg to pay the bills. To get enough comic / script work to not have to pinch every penny. That the wife finds a job with good benefits and that she enjoys.

But because I sit here with the uncertain income of a freelancer and no health insurance watching the country argue over the most inane topics while the economy spirals out of control, I can’t find the same hope I mustered up last year. All I’ve got is a quiet desperation that I just have to keep trying, keep pushing. Just keep going because in truth, I don’t know anything else to do.

Dan Wickline

Thank you for reading. If you liked my writing, you may be interested in my new novel. Click the link below to find out more.

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